Hellos & Goodbyes

A Time for Everything

3 There is a time for everything,
    and a season for every activity under the heavens:

²     a time to be born and a time to die,
    a time to plant and a time to uproot,
³     a time to kill and a time to heal,
    a time to tear down and a time to build,
⁴     a time to weep and a time to laugh,
    a time to mourn and a time to dance,
⁵     a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
    a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
⁶     a time to search and a time to give up,
    a time to keep and a time to throw away,
⁷     a time to tear and a time to mend,
    a time to be silent and a time to speak,
⁸     a time to love and a time to hate,
    a time for war and a time for peace.

-Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 

The above passage is an apt summary. There is a time for everything under heaven--a time for beginnings and a time for an end; a time to hold, and a time to let go; a time to grieve, and a time to rejoice; a time for hellos, and a time for goodbyes.

I have avoided updating this blog for some time. I told myself and others that I needed time to rest and time to reflect before writing anything. Thank God for this year; I am finally learning what it means to be still and to rest.

Two key words come to mind when I think of you, Baltimore: memorable and grace. 

I won't forget you, Baltimore. Even though you put me through hell and kicked me to rock-bottom, I won't forget the times you brought a smile to my face--or the times I felt like I was slipping, falling, tripping on the way up the mountain, but at last making it to the top to see the sunrise. I won't forget the times I felt like giving up on you, only to be drawn back by His grace. There were many times I wanted to run away, to cut you off entirely, only to be prompted by Him to give you another chance.

I wasn't sure how long the storm would last, or if my tattered sails would even last through the storm. In the end, His grace was enough. I always conceptually understood grace--but ironically, despite bearing the name myself--I never fully experienced grace till I met you. In those cowardly moments when I briefly considered crashing my car so I could injure myself and not have to see you the rest of the year, He gave me just enough to keep going. Those Sunday nights when I drove back to you with tears streaming down my face, He would encourage me just enough to make it back in time.

I asked God to show me the true face of the inner city, and He answered in ways beyond imagination. I laugh now when I think back to August. What was I thinking praying something like this?!

Through you--I saw darkness; I saw despair; a bottomless pit in the middle of a path. Yet in spite of it all, rays of light shone through cracks in the cavern; peeping buds shot up from the floor of a scorched forest. I saw through you--God has not forgotten; He has never abandoned. 

If I had not known you, I would never have understood grace. If not for you, I would never have been on my knees--surrendering all to Him. As difficult as you were to love at times, you will forever hold a place in my memories. 

Every day I walk into the Princeton campus, I thank God for His faithfulness--in both the peaks and the valleys. Even in a period of new beginnings, I can't help but think of you at times. How vast the contrast! And how distant it all seems now. 

And though you will continue to fade into the background of my memories, I pray that I will not forget so easily. I pray that what I saw through you will be seared in my memories, so I will not forget His grace and His faithfulness.

So now, Baltimore, I bid you farewell. Who knows when we will cross paths next? It may have to be an accidental meeting, but if so, I hope it will be pleasant.