God's Provision

God is amazing, and He is faithful. Just so I don't forget these events, I am recording the following:

Lost and found again!

This event reminded me of Jesus' parables. Being the somewhat, (fine, really), absentminded person I am at times, I somehow misplaced my keys last weekend while running around on and off campus. I've only lost my one-card at Wellesley once in my 3 years here, so losing both my one-card and dorm keys was... --> -__- I have no words. I had also just come back from a prayer meeting with foreign house church leaders, and I couldn't help thinking ironically, "God, is this my punishment??" Doesn't it sound stupid to care so much about little things like this? I don't know why I made a mountain out of a molehill. (Maybe I need to experience a major tragedy to not care about these kinds of things.) But at that moment, thinking about the extra costs that would be incurred (I think it's $10+ for the one-card, and probably $30+ for room keys??), I was SO ANNOYED AND ANGRY at myself for not being more careful.

As I walked out of the dorm, I prayed and asked God to pleasehelpmefindthesekeysIpromiseI'llbemorecarefulnexttime!! :( Sad and pathetic, I know. God heard me I guess, because an image popped into my mind of me swiping the keys at one dorm to let another girl and myself into the building. I was debating whether I should go to Stone-D first or Caz--but with the image and the H.S's prompting, I went to Caz to see if my keys were there. Sure enough, they were lying on a couch in the living room of Caz. I don't remember feeling this relieved in a long time. Walking out of there, I thought, "Thank you God for your faithfulness in the little things of life. Thank you that these keys weren't lost off campus, and thank you for not making me walk an extra 15 minutes to Stone D."-->I know God is good to me too because He knows how much I hate wasted time. ^^


The resurrected laptop

So before beginning my work-out last Tuesday, I thought it would be a good idea to unplug the power cord from my laptop. The whiney-sounding noise that came from it as I pulled it out proved to be a dire foreshadowing. Thinking, "Oh, no big deal, this has happened before," I tried the power button, pushing down longer than usual. Still no response. "Oh well whatever," I proceeded with my workout, thinking maybe the extra time will help it recover?

When I came back again to try my usual trouble-shooting methods, still no response. I called my dad, and he told me to try different methods, but none worked. After lunch I visited the computing help desk--no help from them either. When the librarian told me that all school laptops were unavailable till next week, the panic began to settle in. One of my semester papers was due on Friday, and all of my work on the paper so far was saved on my laptop. Thankfully, a friend responded to my SOS for help, and kindly offered to lend me an extra laptop. *Shout-out to Andrew: THANKS ANDREW. :D

At this point, I was still feeling somewhat deflated despite the ray of hope offered to me through Andrew, so I waste another hour trying to figure out what exactly was wrong with my laptop. I prayed another pathetic prayer: pleaseGoddon'tletthehardrivediepleasenottheharddriveANDNOTWHENIHAVEAPAPERDUEINTHREEDAYS!!! In the middle of my ruminations, another God-given inspiration popped into my brain--try plugging in the power cord again and leave it alone for awhile. (And yes, God totally takes credit for this because I am the one of the most computer-illiterate, technologically unsaavy people I know--and if my dad and the computing desk at my school couldn't help me, I don't know who can.)

I should mention an important detail at this point. My laptop battery had been dead for some months now, but I was too lazy to order a new one so I relied on using the power cord. I'm guessing that when I suddenly (and perhaps a little too violently?) pulled out the power cord, I shocked my poor little laptop into paralysis. Trying to turn on a laptop with a dead battery didn't help matters, but when my power cord failed me as well, I could only imagine the worst had happened, and my faithful little laptop was dead.

With this little bit of inspiration, I left my potentially fried, battery-dead laptop plugged into an outlet. After a little over a half hour, I saw a sign of life! On the lower right hand corner of my laptop, the power cord symbol lit up! The skeptic in me thought that perhaps this was just like before; earlier in the trouble-shooting stage I tried plugging in the laptop and saw the power cord symbol light up, but after hitting the power button, the light immediately flickered and went black.

I cautiously hit the power button this time, and to my amazement my laptop turned on! I was in the library during this time so I could only express my amazement to my cousin through gchat: OMG A MIRACLE JUST HAPPENED. Even now, I still can't fully figure out if this was a technological miracle or not. Considering the fact that I had essentially done the same thing earlier by leaving the power cord plugged into the laptop--but to no avail--what could be a potential explanation? I'm not sure...whatever the explanation might be, thank you God for allowing my laptop to recover! (And thank you that the problem wasn't with the hard-drive!) I don't know what I would have done if I lost all my files and the paper I had been working on...

Yes, I know I need to do more back-up. Lesson learned there..
Another lesson learned in trust. It's interesting to see how God works in the midst of human foibles and mistakes--thanks again Friend.

No will of my own?!

So I've been meaning to write about this book, Experiencing God by Henry T. Blackaby since October, but I haven't had the time to get around to it till now. (And maybe it's a good thing, because I wouldn't have been able to write about what I experienced till now.)

Many of my close friends/acquaintances have probably heard me rave about this book at least once, but I highly recommend this book to anyone who hasn't heard of it yet. Experiencing God is probably one of the best Christian works on spiritual growth that I've read thus far. Although The Purpose-Driven Life was hugely popular for understandable reasons--and it appeals to a wider audience in general--I'd say that this book is another level up from The Purpose-Driven Life. While the latter is quite good for new Christians, I would say that the former is even better for growing Christians.

Of course, who will believe me without giving some proof? Below I'll share some excerpts/personal experiences from this semester while reading through this book.

For anyone who's ever asked the questions, how do I know what I'm doing in life is right? or, how do I know what I'm doing is in alignment with God's will? or an even more basic question, how do I even know God's will? (How do we hear God's voice, for example?)

This book answers all those questions and more. Here's an excerpt I especially love, which describes George Mueller's experience in knowing God's will. This excerpt is a summary/picture of the book's main ideas, and specifically, how Mueller summed up how he grew in his relationship with God and learned to discern God's voice:

1.) I seek at the beginning to get my heart into such a state that it has no will of its own in regard to a given matter. Nine-tenths of the trouble with people generally is just here. (Italics/Bold added) Nine-tenths of the difficulties are overcome when our hearts are ready to do the knowledge of what His will is.

2.) Having done this, I do not leave the result to feeling or simple impression. (bold added) If so, I make myself liable to great delusions.

3.) I seek the will of the Spirit of God through, or in connection with, the Word of God. The Spirit and the Word must be combined. (italics added) If I look to the Spirit alone without the Word, I lay myself open to great delusions also. (*note to charismatic churches haha--sorry, couldn't resist) If the Holy Ghost guides us at all, He will do it according to the Scriptures and never contrary to them.

4.) Next I take into account providential circumstances. These often plainly indicate God's will in connection with His Word and Spirit.

5.) I ask God in prayer to reveal His will to me aright.

6.) Thus, (1) through prayer to God, (2) the study of the Word, and (3) reflection, I come to a deliberate judgment according to the best of my ability and knowledge, and if my mind is thus at peace, and continues so after two or three more petitions, I proceed accordingly.


I think what struck me the most from this excerpt was the idea that we had to come to a point where we have absolutely "no will of our own" on a given matter. That was a revelation to me. I've always "known" in my head that it's important to surrender my life/will to God, but I never fully grasped what that entailed. And personally, this is one of my biggest struggles, even now. For those who know me well, you'd probably agree that I'm someone who always has an idea of where I'm headed in life, or at least, where I want to go and what I want to do. I can't stand not knowing what I want to do; that's why indecisive people who stay at point A without trying to get to point B really irritate me/make me angry at times. Not knowing how you eventually feel or think about something/someone/some object/goal in life is foreign to me. Making decisions is and never was a hard thing for me to do. If I decide to go for something, I go for it. If I decide to drop it, I drop it--not too many regrets after I've analyzed everything and methodically/logically made my decision.

I don't think Mueller is saying that we can't have any desires or will at all. God created us with a will and desires for a reason/certain purpose. He gave us certain inclinations and passions in life for a reason. Some will love music/arts/literature more than others; some will love math/science more than others. I believe these inclinations all serve a purpose. The key is to ultimately align our will with God and be willing to have no say in the matter. (ugh, that latter part was so hard for me to type out.) One of my biggest troubles here is having the faith to trust God. Another obstacle to coming to this point is my fear that what I want won't match up with what God wants. But my question now is, can I even want something at all? And the answer I just got now is, yes, I can want God's will. (dang it God, seriously?? That's so..vague.) Another thing that irritates me: vagueness/ambiguity. But it seems that God wants me to grow in faith through situations involving ambiguity.

Okay, what I know for sure is that God has given me certain desires and inclinations for a purpose--to serve Him and further His kingdom. But as to how I utilize those inclinations is where I might differ with God. For example, I thought God was leading me to do public service work in the long run, but now I'm not so sure anymore. Does He perhaps want me to work in the private sector first? or maybe even longer? All these things are so unsure right now..I really don't know anymore. I guess the results for where I'll be working this summer might be a possible indicator. It would be nice to say that I'm close to the point of having no decisive "will of my own" on this matter, but that's not completely true either. I'd still prefer to be in certain locations of the country, though I'm fine with either private or public sector work.

Another question I had on this point was, how do I come to the point where my heart has no will of its own in regard to a given matter? The short, and unfortunately vague answer to that would be to pray and ask God to transform my heart/life. And most importantly perhaps, is to "desire" my relationship with God above all else. I "know" in my head that once my relationship with God is right, everything else in my life will fall into place. Unfortunately, coming to that point is so much harder. But at least it's good to know that we don't have to rely on ourselves for this.

So I guess this is the period where I'm supposed to just wait on Him and see where He takes me. I guess it's both scary and exciting at the same time. :)