So I've been meaning to write about this book, Experiencing God by Henry T. Blackaby since October, but I haven't had the time to get around to it till now. (And maybe it's a good thing, because I wouldn't have been able to write about what I experienced till now.)
Many of my close friends/acquaintances have probably heard me rave about this book at least once, but I highly recommend this book to anyone who hasn't heard of it yet. Experiencing God is probably one of the best Christian works on spiritual growth that I've read thus far. Although The Purpose-Driven Life was hugely popular for understandable reasons--and it appeals to a wider audience in general--I'd say that this book is another level up from The Purpose-Driven Life. While the latter is quite good for new Christians, I would say that the former is even better for growing Christians.
Of course, who will believe me without giving some proof? Below I'll share some excerpts/personal experiences from this semester while reading through this book.
For anyone who's ever asked the questions, how do I know what I'm doing in life is right? or, how do I know what I'm doing is in alignment with God's will? or an even more basic question, how do I even know God's will? (How do we hear God's voice, for example?)
This book answers all those questions and more. Here's an excerpt I especially love, which describes George Mueller's experience in knowing God's will. This excerpt is a summary/picture of the book's main ideas, and specifically, how Mueller summed up how he grew in his relationship with God and learned to discern God's voice:
1.) I seek at the beginning to get my heart into such a state that it has no will of its own in regard to a given matter. Nine-tenths of the trouble with people generally is just here. (Italics/Bold added) Nine-tenths of the difficulties are overcome when our hearts are ready to do the knowledge of what His will is.
2.) Having done this, I do not leave the result to feeling or simple impression. (bold added) If so, I make myself liable to great delusions.
3.) I seek the will of the Spirit of God through, or in connection with, the Word of God. The Spirit and the Word must be combined. (italics added) If I look to the Spirit alone without the Word, I lay myself open to great delusions also. (*note to charismatic churches haha--sorry, couldn't resist) If the Holy Ghost guides us at all, He will do it according to the Scriptures and never contrary to them.
4.) Next I take into account providential circumstances. These often plainly indicate God's will in connection with His Word and Spirit.
5.) I ask God in prayer to reveal His will to me aright.
6.) Thus, (1) through prayer to God, (2) the study of the Word, and (3) reflection, I come to a deliberate judgment according to the best of my ability and knowledge, and if my mind is thus at peace, and continues so after two or three more petitions, I proceed accordingly.
I think what struck me the most from this excerpt was the idea that we had to come to a point where we have absolutely "no will of our own" on a given matter. That was a revelation to me. I've always "known" in my head that it's important to surrender my life/will to God, but I never fully grasped what that entailed. And personally, this is one of my biggest struggles, even now. For those who know me well, you'd probably agree that I'm someone who always has an idea of where I'm headed in life, or at least, where I want to go and what I want to do. I can't stand not knowing what I want to do; that's why indecisive people who stay at point A without trying to get to point B really irritate me/make me angry at times. Not knowing how you eventually feel or think about something/someone/some object/goal in life is foreign to me. Making decisions is and never was a hard thing for me to do. If I decide to go for something, I go for it. If I decide to drop it, I drop it--not too many regrets after I've analyzed everything and methodically/logically made my decision.
I don't think Mueller is saying that we can't have any desires or will at all. God created us with a will and desires for a reason/certain purpose. He gave us certain inclinations and passions in life for a reason. Some will love music/arts/literature more than others; some will love math/science more than others. I believe these inclinations all serve a purpose. The key is to ultimately align our will with God and be willing to have no say in the matter. (ugh, that latter part was so hard for me to type out.) One of my biggest troubles here is having the faith to trust God. Another obstacle to coming to this point is my fear that what I want won't match up with what God wants. But my question now is, can I even want something at all? And the answer I just got now is, yes, I can want God's will. (dang it God, seriously?? That's so..vague.) Another thing that irritates me: vagueness/ambiguity. But it seems that God wants me to grow in faith through situations involving ambiguity.
Okay, what I know for sure is that God has given me certain desires and inclinations for a purpose--to serve Him and further His kingdom. But as to how I utilize those inclinations is where I might differ with God. For example, I thought God was leading me to do public service work in the long run, but now I'm not so sure anymore. Does He perhaps want me to work in the private sector first? or maybe even longer? All these things are so unsure right now..I really don't know anymore. I guess the results for where I'll be working this summer might be a possible indicator. It would be nice to say that I'm close to the point of having no decisive "will of my own" on this matter, but that's not completely true either. I'd still prefer to be in certain locations of the country, though I'm fine with either private or public sector work.
Another question I had on this point was, how do I come to the point where my heart has no will of its own in regard to a given matter? The short, and unfortunately vague answer to that would be to pray and ask God to transform my heart/life. And most importantly perhaps, is to "desire" my relationship with God above all else. I "know" in my head that once my relationship with God is right, everything else in my life will fall into place. Unfortunately, coming to that point is so much harder. But at least it's good to know that we don't have to rely on ourselves for this.
So I guess this is the period where I'm supposed to just wait on Him and see where He takes me. I guess it's both scary and exciting at the same time. :)
